I will be honest. For the first few days after bringing Evelyn home, I thought any shred of "normal" we had in our lives before was out the window. Gone for good. Hasta la vista. And to a certain degree, it's true! I know our lives will never be the same now that we are parents. Our family of 2 is now a family of 3. And laying right beside me as I type, is this precious little being who is totally and utterly dependant on us for survival. But thats not what I'm talking about. It felt like from now on my life would look like one perpetual day broken up by 2 1/2-3 hour feeding intervals, minimal sleep, poopy diapers, and raging post-partum hormones. I would never again see the outside world, know what a good nights sleep felt like, go at least 12 hours without an emotional breakdown, or maintain anything remotely resembling an actual social life. Yikes! That had to have been a fun first week for my husband. :)
But, alas, this post has a happy ending. I am becoming more and more aware how much I truly need Jesus! Without Him, I am nothing but a slave to my own fears/doubts/failures. Even the longest night with a screaming, wide-awake newborn can hold precious times coming before the throne and leaving refreshed. Isn't that awesome? He is bigger than and in control of all circumstances. I know that before I can be a godly wife or a godly mother, it first starts in my own heart of hearts; in the private times I have with my Lord.
Yesterday, though, I had an encouraging day! I took Evelyn to the doctor to get weighed, and our little stinker is gaining beautifully...I am so going to be one of those moms that gets all weepy on the first day of school every year because "they grow up so fast!". I believe it. Then after our little doctor visit we ran into Wal-Mart, all the way to Wellington to Village Market & the bank. It just felt good and "normal" to get out of the house again! Even if it was doing usually doldrum errands! Evelyn didn't make a peep the entire day. I will accredit that to my amazing mothering skills (I definitely know it had nothing to do with the fact that the magical car ride put her to sleep the whole time) ;) Then when we got home I started a fire (thanks to my awesome fire-builder of a man husband who has taught me how to do so successfully), and I even for the first time since Ev was born COOKED AN ACTUAL MEAL! I'm not even talking about frozen Stauffer's. A real live actual homemade meal. Pork Chops Cordon Bleu and green beans. Okay, the green beans were frozen, but cut me a little slack, people.
Long story not so short- it just felt good to get a glimpse of the fact that "normal" life does still go on after bringing home baby. And even if that day would have gone horribly, I know God is bigger and unchanging. I want my joy & attitude to be based on God's character and truth, not my circumstances :)
I really appreciated this post, Jode! It brought me back to those first couple of weeks after bringing Caedon home--boy, was I a mess! :-) Life does drastically change with a baby! Its amazing how you learn to adjust to it however. I cannot imagine being without either of my two kiddos! One thing is for sure though: I had never felt so great a need for God until I became a mom! I seriously cannot do it without Him! Each day is a walk of faith and reliance on HIM because I know that I CANNOT do it myself! Its so neat to see you as a mom, Jo. I am so thankful that we can learn together on this walk of motherhood!
ReplyDeleteLove, Amy